A Letter To Oberon
by ShyIntrovert
Summary: Fiona writes a letter to her father, trying to sort out how she feels about him and his return from the dead


Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and I am in no way profiting from them. I promise to return them after I'm done. Don't sue me please :- 

I have always wondered how Fiona responded to her father's return. When we see her in CoC, she seems to be working with him and Dworkin and we are not told why Oberon did not punish her for her part in his imprisonment.  

Father, 

I write this letter with the perfect consciousness that it will not be read. I myself will consign it to the flames as soon as I have written it. A wise old mentor of mine once told me that once what is felt is expressed, it can be dealt with. I have often found his advice valuable. Bless Benedict, who trumped me to prepare me for your return and to give me a chance to flee, should I choose. He is the only brother I love, but for Bleys. 

            I may be unique among your children in that I can say with perfect honesty that there was I time I truly loved you. Perhaps you loved me also. It certainly seemed like it, for you permitted me liberties you gave none of the others. I was allowed to sit in court when I was twelve and you allowed me to question your judgements. You appeared to be pleased with my intellect and my ability to absorb knowledge. Now I wonder whether that was because you intended, even then, to use me. 

            I was your perfect tool, bound to you by love and incapable of betrayal. I do not know when I began to love you less. Perhaps it was when I saw how you approved of me publicly rather than privately, going out of your way to create friction not only between me and the children of Faeilla, but also between me and Bleys. And having created this friction you did nothing to shield me from their envy. Maybe it was when you legitimized Llewella, for no other reason than to humiliate my mother. 

            Once when I had displeased you, you told me that I was like my mother.No one who knows the history of your marriage can assume that this was a compliment. I was upset, not by your infidelity (which was to be expected in a marriage between immortals) but by how public it was. All of Amber knew the names of your paramours. The day she left Amber, Mother told me she did it, not only for herself, but for me, so that I could truthfully say that my mother was a strong woman. I began to lose my youthful admiration of you then. You told me and my brothers that if we ever contacted Clarissa, you would disown us. It was the first direct order of yours which I disobeyed. 

            As time passed, you gained other interests. You seldom had time for me anymore, and I cannot claim to have been much grieved. One great advantage to my deliberate fall from grace was that my brothers felt free to cautiously make of me a friend and confidante. I realized for the first time that you were not entirely immortal. One day you would die and we would have to protect ourselves. It was with an eye to the future that I apprenticed myself to Dworkin. 

             Dworkin was a good mentor. He listened to my theories intently, never dismissing me because I was young or a woman. After more than a hundred years with him I realized that I would never learn all that he had to teach. Tired of watching my siblings live, while I only learned about life, one day I departed for shadow. 

I found interests outside of Amber among my mother's people and I did not return until Bleys trumped me to tell me that Corwin was missing and foul play suspected. I came home to an Amber I did hnot recognize. The petty rivalries between your sons had grown, and you subtly fostered them, favoring Bleys where Eric could see, mentioning Corwin to check Eric. Those who were clear sighted, like Llewella, abandoned court and while I longed to follow them, I could not. I had brothers to protect and a country to save from the factionalistic strife I could see coming, even if you could not.    

It became evident to me that after your death or if you abdicated (as you often threatened to do) either Bleys or Eric would die by the others hand. By this time I had a vested emotional interest in seeing that Bleys lived. When he came to me with his plan to remove you I agreed to aid him. In a way, it was your fault, you had made the succession the mess it was. 

            All was well for a while after your disappearance. Than Brand lost his sanity. I strongly suspect that Chaos had a hand in his loss of reason. Bleys and I began to grow wary of the powers we dealt with and worked to repair things, after we imprisoned Brand. 

            When I learned you had escaped from Chaos, I was frantic with worry. I knew that if you did return you would have to make examples of us. To the best of my knowledge, we are the first of your children to have plotted against you and I do not know how you will react. When years passed and you did not appear, I thought you must have died on the way home. I was surprised at the pang of sorrow which came with the relief. You had been an elemental force and you were gone. 

            I believe I hate you... or do I? I certainly have reason, if only because you came back from the dead just in time to dig us out of the hole that I have got us into. I do not want to contemplate what will happen if you cannot. I have unleashed the monster which may devour us and it is ironic that I must now depend upon you to repair the damage I have done. 

            And now you are back and I do not know what I will say to you when next we meet. And meet we shall. I, who have put Amber in danger, will not flee, while my brothers and sisters try to save her.  

Fiona 

Princess of Amber, 

Countess of Tirandia  

Lady of Garanth 


End file.
